Over the years I’ve been to a lot of events, gatherings, met a lot of people, and have gathered a list of not-to-do items when meeting someone for the 1st time.

This is something that I’ve learnt by observing others, and making these mistakes myself as well.

A recent incident had me put together this “list” in this blog entry so that others may learn from my and other’s mistakes.

A simple, easy-to-follow not-to-do list

1. Don’t try to be selling something: A basic mistake which I’ve seen people do is try to “sell” their idea, their product/service, their business, or even themselves as a person of value. Unless you’re at a business networking event (and even then in some ways), you’re not to treat this as a sales call. As soon as you put on the “salesperson” hat, the other person may put on the “I’m not interested in what you’re selling” hat.

2. Don’t hog the conversation: When you’re meeting someone for the first time, make it a “give and take” relationship. Let the conversation be two-sided. Take a breath during sentences and let the other person make it interactive. You’re there to learn about them as well as let them learn about you.

3. Don’t make awkward jokes: You’re meeting someone for the first time, and unless you’ve interacted with them before (online, phone etc.) and know of their taste in humor, stay away from any jokes that may make this moment awkward. You usually learn about these moments when you’re smiling widely, while the other person is looking left and right, with a plain expression or a forced smile on their face. Cease and desist immediately!

4. Don’t assume the role of being a teacher: You may be an expert in the latest internet technology, a business guru with a million dollar enterprise or a spiritual leader; but unless you’re not asked for your opinion, help or something which is leading to the same, don’t start a classroom session. This may come off as patronizing to the person and the conversation/relationship which you’re trying to build may only go downhill from there.

5. Don’t act like Mr. / Miss Know-it-all: Following on the previous “don’t”, be someone who comes off as if they know everything about everything. Let the other person speak, let them tell you things, even if you’ve heard them before, maybe they can add to that and your knowledge. By being a “teacher” when un-called for, or being a “Mr./Miss Know-it-all” only builds a wall between you and the other person immediately, and makes them feel in a, “not nice” way.

6. Everyone can have an opinion: Learn to agree to disagree. You may have a point of view, so does the other person. Again, you may be an expert on the subject, but acting in a way which makes the other person not investigate the subject further and instead feel inadequate, isn’t going to do much for your 1st time impression.

7. Don’t criticize: Criticism of any sort, be it constructive, is uncalled for. This is the first time you’re meeting this person, and unless you’re specifically asked for your advice / opinion / criticism on anything the other person may be doing, refrain from doing so. You may be thinking that you’re “helping” the person, but who’s to decide if they need your help?

These were some of the things which I think are the basic not-to-do list when meeting someone for the 1st time. What’s your say on these? Add to the list as well if you think there are more things that should be taken care of.